A-propo Ahmadinejad.... Just kidding.

Now for something completely different.

The perfect breast!

Once upon a time, he cooed to his beloved:

"Thy two breasts
are like two young roes
that are twins,
which feed among the lilies."

But now demands seem much more accurate and exacting:

The key aesthetic elements are nipple position and the proportion between the upper and lower halves of the breast, he said.

"The ideal is a 45 to 55 per cent proportion - that is the nipple sits not at the half-way mark down the breast, but at about 45 per cent from the top."

As I perused this important information when it was posted on "Pajamas Media",
I asked myself how many female readers peered down and under worriedly to check
whether their own personal pair conformed to these specifications. And then I puzzled about what exactly went through male readers' minds.

Worry not so, sweet ladies, for I'm pretty sure men tend to be genuinely multicultural and equal-opportunity when it comes to choice of breasts, as this poet affirms:


Ode to thee,
These divine creations,
swaying about,
With hypnotic gyrations,
Directing my eyes,
Ups and Downs,
Comes in all sizes,
In every town,
I adore them all,
jiggling so,
This way and that,
Afar or close,
Dancing in middies,
Winking in cold,
Clapping one another,
Squishy like dough,
Small and large,
Perky is fun,
Colossal or spacious,
Like orangutan ones,
Soft like marshmallows,
Melts in your hands,
Firm as cantaloupes,
Pale or tan,
Cusps like sand dollars,
Cream or chocolate,
Or protruding long,
Like AK bullets,
Whatever the shape,
However the range,
I love them all,
Even the strange.

(Duane M Weide)

Example by Offer Goldfarb (an artist-photographer).