Monday, September 24, 2007

What will he wear?

Having ruminated upon Ahmadinejad's much-anticipated, forthcoming appearance at Columbia U, I thought further about the "appearance" aspect of his momentous visit. I found myself unaccountably intrigued by the question: What will Ahmadinejad wear? I urgently emailed Blogosphere's Grand Wazīr of the Fashion, The Manolo, with this burning question:

Dear Manolo:

I was much impressed by your fashion advise to Bin-Laden, after his latest gig on CNN. I'm wondering whether you could employ your rare talent of suiting look to any occasion and extend some of that wisdom to the most recent glitterati speaker at Columbia campus. I noticed Ahmadinejad's particular lack of savvy when it comes to his appearance, (unlike his wonderful command of history when it comes to the Holocaust and Jews). Can you help him match in appearance the role of Ahmadinejad-superstar that has been conferred upon him by the powers-that-be at that venerable locus of academia? What do you think, the professorial tweedy look, the more intimidating three-piece pinstripe suit or Just a faded pair of jeans and a T-shirt, with "Hava Nagila" emblazoned on its front???

Expectantly yours,

Noga, the Contentious Centrist


Manolo, perfect وزير - wazīr that he is, emailed back with the information that he had already tended to this matter, as early as in September 2006!

Here is it, then (in as close to khaki as I could get):

The Chics of the Dictators

The Manolo (He of “The Manolo Loves The Shoes”) deigns to glance at the wardrobe Iran’s Man of the Moment… and finds it is not to die for.—- Editor ]

Manolo says, one of the Manolo’s many Internet friends has asked the Manolo to comment upon the clothing of the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the koo-koo-nutty president of Iran.

Normally, the Manolo he does not care to think too much about the sartorial choices of such ridiculous and dangerous peoples, preferring in the stead to devote his precious thinking time to weightier matters, such as whether or not the loathsome Jeffrey will be one of the Project Runway final three, or if the Hasselhoff will ever again find the true love with the career chick of his dreams.

But, the Manolo he is nothing if not obliging to his Internet friends, and so he will make the brief remarks.

Briefly and remarkably, the President of the Iran wears the same khaki windbreaker, wrinkled trousers, cheap oxford shirts, scruffy beard and wild eyes favored by the aging high school chemistry teachers everywhere.

Yes, in his youth he was the firebrand who would shake the very foundations of the society, but today he is content to expound upon his paranoid conspiracy theories while exercising his petty autocratic powers over the dull kids who sit in the back of the class.

In the word, he has tenure.

Umm, Mr. Ahmadinejad, it’s time for recess.”

“Shut up and sit down, Chad, we’re not done discussing how the international Zionist cabal is controlling the lunch room.”

The Manolo has nothing more to say about the clothes of the Ahmadinejad, other than that they are bad, terribly bad, even when judged against the already lamentably low standards set by the current crop of tyrants, despots, and dictators-to-be.

Bless Manolo, and bless the Internet, for providing the opportunity to make even the ridiculously surreal, nothing, if not well-dressed.

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